Why I cry

spoiler alert: IDK

I drank a lot the day before yesterday, and my logical and rational part of the brain numbs down (like it should) whenever I get very drunk, and my emotional part goes completely nuts and exposed. So apparently I cried twice in the arms of a friend, and when I told this to an online friend here on Substack yesterday, she put forth a sarcastic question, jokingly ofc, “You cry too?”

This hit me. I started pondering. I do cry, yeah. But why do I cry? Why do people cry? Why is body’s immediate reaction to an extremely vulnerable situation is to become even more vulnerable and weak. Weirdly, it happens, the body should have developed a mechanism to, in fact, get over grief far more strongly. Instead, we spiral down, think about it more, and almost involuntarily, our bodies react by leaking out water from our eyes, making our throat muscles suddenly tight. I did read about it; apparently, the physical reactions are extreme flight-fight reactions. We tend to “swallow” emotions, so we keep swallowing very frequently, at the same time, the body thinks it’s time to fight, and we need LOTS of oxygen, so the epiglottis gets stuck in a tug of war, which pipe to open and which one to close. And tears are a crazy next level biological science. Emotional tears have high concentration of adrenocorticotropic hormone, which increases when we are anxious, prolactin which regulates emotions, and some painkillers. Apart from that, it’s a social signal asking for help. Even if you see an animal crying, you go help it, coz it is clearly harmless, and it is clearly vulnerable, it needs help. So our body realises at intense situations, where to win over grief, we need help, we need to show visual cues of even higher vulnerabilities than we are in. Wow body, I didnt know your game like that, crazy diplomacy.

But, what is crying emotionally. Of course amygdala, that stupid bastard of an organ. But I needed more than science. The answer I felt lay in understanding from experiences. I started remembering the times I cried. Watching interstellar. The scene in the end when Cooper asks Murphy how she knew he would be back, and she says “because my father promised me”. Why did I cry at this. Trust she had in her father. Trust, because she loved him. He loved her too, and against all odds came back. The sacrifices people make tear people up. Acts of altruism. All because of love. Why does love make us vulnerable? New territories unlocking. The idea that someone we love is going through tough times, regardless of whether they get over it. The very idea of seeing sufferings makes our love for them launch a trigger to be sorrowful. This might sound all obvious, but I like to write or point out even the obvious because that’s how we discover something new. It was very obvious that if you push the water around your boat behind with an oar, your boat moves ahead. But now this mechanism is used to push rockets into space. Sometimes we have to point out the obvious.

When I tell people about a few weird incidents of my life, which sound traumatic, people are generally surprised that I’m not much affected by them. Maybe it is a defense mechanism, if I don’t register, I don’t feel bad. I believe most of my traumatic incidents were shared with my mom, too, and almost all the times she shielded me by absorbing all the sorrows. This is another interesting act of altruism, taking in emotional scars for others, this very fact makes me tear up coz she suffered for me. Ironical.

So maybe I cry, I cry because I can’t see people I love in pain, and when the pain is inevitable, I feel helpless (thanks body’s evolution for explaining this one) and hence I cry.

People say you should cry once in a while, it “releases” pent up emotions. So, should you cry? I remember in inside-out, sadness was apparently bad according to Joy, and the point that in cases of helplessness, sadness is important, it has its own way of giving “comfort”. Does crying without getting help give you any mental comfort? I do feel better when I cry, but why? Sorry for bringing science back in again and again, but it really is science that’s got answers. What can I do. Apparently, the brain floods itself with oxytocin and endorphins to make you feel good after a good cry. That’s why cigarettes feel so good after crying. Heart rate drops, and the body literally releases some physical tension to make you feel physically lighter too. Oftentimes, when we cry, we sob in a weird way. It looks almost like sighs, but not exactly. Well body tries mimicking “sigh” of relief to fool brain into thinking it’s over.

But what about losses. When people are gone. I have cried over exes’ departures. But they are mostly because I always feel I could have done something different. Regrets, or lack of taking action. I have imagined a few times what would happen if my mom dies. I can’t cry then, I am supposed to be strong there. That is a different debate/discussion whether I am supposed to be strong, or maybe I just need to let go because of all, I’ll be the weakest among everyone when that happens. Men having to act strong is not my topic here. My point is, why would I cry her loss. I won’t have regrets even if she’s gone suddenly even today. There’s nothing I have not done that would have improved our relationship, we are already quite lovingly close. Her altruistic acts? Sure, but I wouldn’t think about them when she’s gone. I would think about her absence. The immediate void. Why does a void make you cry? Helplessness, I am not helpless without her. Emotionally or physically. Maybe when she’s gone, I would feel like an 11yo kid all over again, and now when I lose my mum, it’s helplessness. Coz I’m sure even in her last days, she would be doing everything in her capacity to comfort me, as if I’m still the kid that cried after falling from the bed.

Now why do I cry? I’m confused. IDK, I already gave you the surprise, bleh. I just wanted to type it out. Thanks for reading.